So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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