Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
