i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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