Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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