Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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