Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
