Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
