You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize