Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
