I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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