i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
