Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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