I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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