You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How drunk are you?
Completed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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