Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
