it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
