you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
