I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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