He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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