I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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