He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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