So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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