i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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