I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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