Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
