He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
