whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
