he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she woke up with a sticky ear
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
