my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
