I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize