You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
