Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
