There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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