3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
