It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
