the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
