Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
