i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
