Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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