Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
