so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
