look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
