I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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