the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
