i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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