I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
