We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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