i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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