you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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