i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
