ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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