In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They took my balls.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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