nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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