i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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