Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
