My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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