I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
