Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
