just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
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Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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