I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it because I queefed?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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