Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
