i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
