All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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