Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
