oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
